Hell on Earth
by ShadowedHeavens
Summary: Alex Rider has been dragged off to Brecon Beacons. Again. But this time it's with his classmates - and that makes everything a hundred times worse than before... (oneshot, sort-of reveal fic, no pairings)


**A/N: I wrote ages ago and thought today, hey, why not post it? A little weird, but still enjoyable (I hope) so here it is. Takes place sometime before "Who on Earth is Alex Rider?" – I think; I didn't really plan it out that well.**

**Rated T because of Wolf and the sergeant.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything you recognise. Alex Rider belongs to Anthony Horowitz.**

_Part 1_

"Back in Hell on Earth," Alex Rider thought sourly as he stared out of the window at the dreary scenery, dull cabins and a thick layer of mud which covered everything. Brecon Beacons. Forced to go on this 'educational' trip to keep up appearances, he was currently sitting at the back of a bright yellow school bus. With the words 'BROOKLANDS COMPREHENSIVE!' printed in a brilliant, neon-green paint, this bus was a clear, unmissable target for any enemy of his. Looking at the exhausted soldiers who were staring at the kids of Brooklands curiously, he could only hope that K-Unit were out on assignment.

No such luck for himself though. Over the past two years, Alex had become the famed Agent Rider in the world of military, the one to have the maximum total of missions and a perfect track record, not to mention his faultless aim, his fluency in numerous languages from the four corners of the Earth and his controlled yet deadly precision in both hand-to-hand and armed combat. To be honest, Alex was becoming quite sick of all the hero worship back at Headquarters. School was his only escape, even if all the students mocked him behind his back, and some even openly, calling him the 'Druggie', telling him to go back to the mental asylum where belonged. He could usually deal with others' impressions of him, as long as he had Jack looking after him, Sabina, in America, encouraging him over Skype and his best friend Tom, with his older brother in Italy, figuratively beside him in every step of the journey he took.

Only now, he was back at the place where it all started. The one and only Brecon Beacons, SAS training camp, located in Wales, this time not as a hesitant fourteen-year-old boy, but a fully-fledged secret agent hidden in plain sight. With a busload of immature sixteen-year-old teenagers.

"Give me back my phone!"

"Does my hair look okay? After all, the first impression is the one that counts!"

"EW! You spilled Coke on my designer jeans! Mum bought those especially for this trip and now they're ruined!"

Alex sighed. This was going to be a long week.

Upon their arrival, the whole class filed out of the bus. Several of the girls were trying to step lightly as to not get any mud on their pink, glittery high-heeled slippers. Alex wrinkled his nose in disgust; those were the ones who would not last a day in this dump, let alone an entire week. Others were yawning and stretching out their cramped limbs, or chatting happily with their mates about how 'awesome the week is gonna to be!' _But I know better_, Alex thought, casting a professional eye over the recruits of the camp, who had all assembled inquisitively at where their bus had pulled to a stop. His gaze landed on the old Sergeant at the front of the now-muttering crowd. He allowed a brief smirk to settle on his face: so they had not been told that they would be on babysitting duty for the week. Interesting. He stepped down and faced the Sergeant, mostly ignoring his introductory speech. Then, the mention of his old team made his head shoot up. With a sinking feeling in his chest, Alex paid close attention to the Sergeant's next words.

"– is K-Unit. They will be babysitting – ahem, _training_ you for the next week."

Alex's old team smartly stepped forwards. Wolf, Snake and Eagle were there, standing alongside with someone who Alex guessed was Fox's replacement. They didn't look very happy about it. Actually, that was an enormous understatement: they looked downright furious about it. Ha. Definitely karma. Alex inwardly smiled at their expense. He still hadn't forgotten how they were hell-bent on getting him binned when he first arrived.

"You will show them the respect they deserve. Is that understood?" the Sarge barked, glaring at the kids as if they were cockroaches. Out of habit, Alex snapped to attention.

"Yes, sir!"

He was the only one, his voice ringing out clearly. Everyone turned to look at him. He flushed. Then, one of the ringleaders called Marcus, whose mission in life was to make his miserable, snickered. "Druggie Rider thinks he's so cool. His poor father probably didn't know what to do with him so he was shipped off to military school for a few months at a time. That's why he's always been absent!"

As the rest of the class roared with laughter, Alex reminded himself that they would be worshipping him if they knew the truth and that if he responded physically, he would be as bad as them.

"SILENCE!" thundered the Sarge. Everyone within a half-mile radius immediately shut up. "What's your name, boy?"

Alex hesitated. There was a very big problem. If he answered with his real name, all of the SAS would know who he was. If he answered with a false name, his classmates would start up new even nastier rumours about him. If he answered with 'Cub'… well, let's just say there would be a _lot_ of confusion from both sides.

"Well? I don't like to be kept waiting," he said impatiently. Alex smirked again. Typical Sarge. He came to a decision.

"Rider, sir. Alex Rider."

Another shocked silence, this time from the SAS recruits. Was this boy the Agent Rider that they had gossiped about like schoolgirls on a daily basis?

"Well, someone here at least knows how to address his superiors properly!" the Sergeant turned to Alex, not seeming to notice the hush that came over his recruits. "This lot could learn something from you, Ride –"

He trailed off as the name fully registered. Rider. How could he not have noticed before? Rider. John Rider. Ian Rider. Alex Rider. "Rider?" he gulped, eyes widening dramatically. Alex forced himself for answer evenly.

"Yes, sir?"

"You're just a boy…"

Alex shook with the effort of holding down his laughter. "Yes, sir. A boy on a school trip to an SAS camp, sir."

"Well," the sergeant seemed to regain his senses. "I hope you can teach this useless lot something." He waved a vague hand, indicating the men standing behind him, all of whom were grumbling now.

"Wait a second," Marcus demanded haughtily. "You are talking about Druggie here, right?"

In a flash, the slight respect on the sergeant's face converted to an expression of absolute fury. "Do you know what Alex Rider has done for the country? How many times he's saved your sorry arse and the world from complete obliteration?" he roared, voice getting louder with each sentence. "And you _dare_ call him Druggie and disrespect him like that? Do you know –"

"Sarge," Alex cut in quickly. "Leave it. They don't have a clue about it."

Suddenly, a misplaced girlish shriek sliced through the air. "CUB!" Dark green camo slid to a stop right in front of him. And the only one who would know his codename and be stupid enough to not realize that he was undercover was –

"Eagle," Alex sighed, raising his eyes to the heavens in a silent, pleading prayer. How could his day get any worse?

_Part 2_

Please no, Alex prayed to whatever deities were up there. Please don't –

"Cub!" the childlike soldier shrieked again. "What-are-you-doing-here?! Please-say-you're-here-to-join-the-group-again-it's-not-been-the-same-since-you-and-Fox-both-left!"

Eagle was literally jumping up and down in excitement when the rest of the unit pushed forwards. Snake offered the boy a quiet 'hello', but his eyes betrayed his bewilderment and excitement: he was just more… ahem, _reserved_ than Eagle in showing his emotions. The other guy glared at him.

"Cub," Wolf, the leader of the team, said gruffly. "Good to have you back."

Over 30 SAS jaws hit the ground just then. What on Earth… Maybe the world would end. Maybe the skies would come crashing down on them. Or maybe, just maybe, in the slightest chance, _Wolf was actually being civilised!_

Alex broke out into a big sincere grin. "Hi, Wolf. Hi, Eagle. Hi, Snake. I would say it's good to be back… but we'd both know it's a lie. Anyway, what's up with him?" He narrowed his eyes at the bouncing Eagle. "You guys didn't give him any coffee, right?"

Silence.

"Right?" he repeated, his tone half-desperate now.

The rest of the Unit, including the other guy, avoided his eyes guiltily. "Um…"

Alex groaned in horror. "You gave him coffee! Eagle and coffee do _not_ work well alongside each other: you're not allowed even _mention_ them in the same sentence!"

The hyperactive Eagle pouted. "ButyoudidanditwasmybirthdaygiftfrommyUnit." He paused before finishing the rest of his sentence in one breath. "AndIalsogotchocolateandsweetsandsugarandteaanddidImentionchocolate? Lotsandlotsandlotsandlotsandlotsandlotsofyummyyummychocolate!"

"Please don't say we have to put up with this for the rest of the day," Alex grumbled in despair.

A voice interrupted their 'happy' reunion. "And that's our cue. Right, recruits, back to work. NOW!" roared the Sergeant. "Get to it! Nobody's getting any younger here!"

Sarge turned to K-Unit. "Wolf, Snake, Eagle and Jackal." (So that's his name, mused Alex. He was getting really tired of calling him 'the other guy') "Take care of these brats will you?" He waved a distracted hand to gesture at Alex's class. "And Cub?"

"Yes, sir?"

"You'll be helping K-Unit. Any objections?"

Horror and panic bubbled up inside Alex, now Cub. "But, sir, I'm supposed to –"

"No? Good. I'll be in my office if you need me," Sarge said in a tone that actually meant: _'I'll be in my office, and if you disturb me, there will be hell to pay."_

Then, the Sergeant left K-Unit to deal with the class from Brooklands.

"What. Was _that_?" breathed a girl called Elle. She sits in front of me in Maths, Alex noted vaguely.

Wolf ignored her. "Right, listen up, you half-brained maggots! We slave away at this hell of a camp while you spoilt, pampered children sit around idly gossiping as if your worthless lives depend on it," Wolf sneered. Alex had to push down a laugh: yep, this was classic Wolf. "Well how about we swap over? Get down and give me 50! NOW!" he roared suddenly, making the entire class jump, sans Alex.

"But, sir," a 'popular' girl fluttered her eyelashes at the unblinking, unyielding SAS soldier. "With all this mud about? I'll get my nails dirty."

"I don't care. This year please." He pointed to the ground. "Go."

It was as if he was talking to a dog. Alex tried not to laugh, but it was hard. Seriously hard. Some of his classmates were shooting each other panicked looks, so he decided to take pity on them.

He stepped forward. "Hey, Wolf? I thought the phrase was 'drop and give me 20'. Plus, they're all tired from being cooped up in a bus all day long. You could put this off 'till, let's say, tomorrow, maybe?" Alex suggested casually.

Wolf growled, exactly like his namesake. "If you're going to be like that, you'd better join in too. Drop and give me 50!"

Alex pretended to sigh. "Honestly, Wolf, it's still 'drop and give me 20'. And you can't order me around, I'm not in K-Unit anymore, remember?" he cheekily reminded the fuming unit-leader.

"Anymore? What do you mean, anymore?" a low voice snapped out. Jackal. "You're barely out of nappies, and you mean to say you were in K-Unit some time ago?" Jackal scoffed. "Rubbish."

To everyone's surprise, Wolf immediately turned on his unit-member, flanked by both Snake and Eagle, who was still hopping from foot to foot. "Jackal," he began dangerously. "If you think –"

He was cut off by Alex holding up a hand. "If you think you're superior to me, take your best shot." He spread his arms in a placating gesture that both infuriated and amused Jackal.

"I don't normally hit children, but since you're all but asking me…" Jackal cracked his knuckles threateningly, but it didn't affect Alex at all. He had fought and survived much worse than an arrogant SAS soldier.

Alex relaxed his stance and tapped his chin thoughtfully, a picture of innocence. Said picture was ruined by the wicked glint in his eyes and slight upturning of the corner of his lips. "Wait a second, did you say your codename's Jackass? Wow, how did the Sarge pick out a name that suited you so well?"

With a ferocious roar, Jackal lunged at him. Alex watched, biding his time. For some people, like the enraged, oncoming man, anger succeeded in winning control of their bodies and, for them, anger meant mistakes. Jackal's first move and error was to swing wildly at Alex's face. He easily dodged the undisciplined blow and swept his opponent's feet out from under him. Unfortunately for Jackal, he couldn't stop himself and careened into a bench then face-planted in the mud, painfully breaking his nose in the process.

"Oops. I guess you tripped," grinned Alex as Wolf and Eagle burst out laughing.

"Good one, Cub," Snake nodded approvingly, his eyes doing the laughing for him. The rest of his classmates looked on in awed silence. Glancing back at the gaping group behind him, Alex could guess what they were thinking: since when could Alex 'Druggie' Rider beat up 300-pound professional SAS soldiers without even breaking a sweat? And since when did he become so buddy-buddy with K-Unit, the rumoured best Unit in the whole of Brecon Beacons?

But before any of the Brooklands students could voice their opinions (*cough*scream at Alex*cough*), the boy in question turned and jogged away from the group, careful not to slip in the wet mud while calling out over his shoulder, "I'm going to get a medic!"

He ignored the fact that Snake _was_ a medic, because what Alex really needed was some time away from his classmates who were, to put it frankly, being annoying.

Without any warning at all, it began to rain: a slight drizzle at first, which quickly morphed into a full-out downpour. Alex paused and tilted his face up to the sky, paying no attention to that fact that his clothes were getting soaked through.

At that moment, Alex desperately wished that his 'luck of the devil' would not run out, because for the next week, he sure as hell was going to need it.

**A/N: aaaaand… done! I'm planning on leaving it as a one-shot… for now. Who knows, maybe someday, waaaaay into the future, I might suddenly get another idea for this fic. For now, though, it's completed. Please review! Thanks for reading!**

**ShadowedHeavens (Yeah, I changed my username.) :)**


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